Janine Bolon: Hi. This is Janine Bolon with the Practical Mystic Show. Today, I am joined by not only an author, but also a fellow mystic by the name of Chrysta Bairre. You may have seen her floating around on LinkedIn and Facebook. If you’ve seen anything, she is also one of those people who really is incredibly generous with her time, with her advice, and you may be like, “Well, that’s fine, but everybody has free advice these days,” and I’m like, “Yeah, but are they as positive thinking as Chrysta? I don’t think so.” In case you hadn’t seen her book, it’s called Beautiful Badass: How to Believe in Yourself Against the Odds.
I don’t know about you, but as a mystic, there’s a lot of things that happen to me that put me in a total place of self-questioning. “I’m insane, maybe I should get an MRI because I think I have a tumor growing in my brain. I’m seeing things, I’m hearing things. I’m experiencing things that those people around me are not, such as I see squirrels. The squirrels look at me and I swear to goodness, I’m hearing their thoughts.” Whatever it is, whether you have dead people coming to you, chatting to you, whatever your mystic ability is, on this show, we’ve talked about it all.
Today, Chrysta is going to talk to us a little bit about how she was able to get to a place in her life where she was able to believe in herself, even when the rest of the world, as far as she was concerned, really disagreed with her perspective on reality.
Chrysta, welcome to the show.
Chrysta Bairre: Thank you so much for having me on, Janine. It is just always a pleasure to have a conversation with you, and I’m so glad to be here and talk to you more about my spiritual, mystic journey.
Janine: Yeah, it is quite the story to me. It’s the story behind the story, which is always my favorite thing to talk about. You have a lot of things for people who are doing marketing or helping sell a book, or they have an online program, but the story that inspired them to want to share that knowledge with the rest of the community, to me, is what’s important. Take us away. Tell us about what inspired Beautiful Badass and talk to us a little bit about the beginnings of your mystic journey.
Chrysta: Absolutely. A little bit about what inspired me to write the book that I did, at the time that I started writing my book, I had a career coaching practice, and everyone, all the advice was, “Write a book about career coaching, career transition, or business or something.” That just wasn’t the book I wanted to write. I’ve had this experience so many times in my life where I get this intuitive hit and I just know that, “This is what I meant to do,” and I can’t always explain it to people. I can’t always say like, “This is why,” and articulate. I wrote the book that I really wanted to write at the time, and not the book that really followed a lot of the traditional advice, as far as what would build up my business.
Beautiful Badass: How to Believe in Yourself Against the Odds was originally inspired by many conversations and experiences that I had had, either reading books or sitting in rooms, listening to speakers, following thought leaders on social media, and feeling disconnected from the advice that I was tiering. For me, it was particularly because I grew up in childhood poverty. It was pretty extreme at times. There is a lot of mental illness in my family, alcoholism, all kinds of things going on.
As someone who has experienced a lesser level of privilege than some, of course not everyone, I noticed that so many of these speakers, authors, and thought leaders were really sharing their knowledge from a place of privilege, and not even realizing that they were doing so, not even realizing that the advice that they were giving is actually great advice, but it’s more effective if you happen to match that person’s level of privilege, right? If you’re coming from a different level of privilege, then that advice may not be as effective for you, or effective at all. That was what inspired me to write the book that I wrote.
Again, it came back to my intuition of like, “I could write a book that would really, in a very direct and obvious way, lead into the career coaching business,” but that isn’t what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about this idea of like, “How do you move forward? How do you make progress? How do you create a level of fulfillment, joy, and success in your life, no matter what your circumstances are,” and to really acknowledge some of those situational barriers, and acknowledge that we might not all have the same abilities, so I’m not going to be the person who’s going to sit here and tell you, “Hey, if I can do this, anyone can do it,” because I recognize, even looking at my own family and noticing how, my sisters and I grew up in the exact, same household and I have been able to achieve things that my sisters haven’t necessarily. They found it harder to do. It goes beyond just mindset. It goes beyond just, “You can do anything,” as a message, which sounds really positive on the outside, but can also be very demoralizing to people when they find maybe that’s not true for them.
An intuitive hit around my book and what inspired it was like, “I want to talk about this and it doesn’t tie in. I don’t know where this is going to go. I don’t know what I’m going to do with this book, I just know that this is the book that I’m being called to write.”
Janine: I think that happens with many of the speakers. There have been many times I’ve been called into areas or groups where I looked around the room and I realized that I needed to totally can, and just put it back in my briefcase, whatever my topic was going to be about, and I had to open up with Q&A, because I had to get to know the audience a little bit more. I was like, “How many of you came to the seminar and you rode public transportation? How many of you had to walk and you’ve been walking all morning to get here?” There were some times that was in incredibly impoverished areas, teaching them 60/40 principal and a debt-free living. One of those things is listening to that intuition.
Let’s get back to some of those amazing stories where you talk about the lessons about the abuse and poverty, and all that. We could spend a lot of time talking about that and sharing those stories, but to me, the Practical Mystic Show is talking about, we’re starting off in places that is impasse, even if you’re in a what would be considered upper middle class home, and you live in Suburbia, it still can be a nightmare for you because you’re an empath. You’re dealing with drug addictions that are in your family, but you’re not allowed to talk about it because the family requires you to keep up the prestige.
It’s just as much a hell as being in college, unable to feed yourself, but knowing that the only way you’re going to increase your socioeconomic level is by staying there and making sure you get your Analytical Biochemistry degree. Yeah, that was me. It was a race between starvation and graduation. I feel like I’m talk[?] to poverty, not so much abuse, not alcoholism, I didn’t have that, but I can speak to having to ride public transportation to where I want to go, because I sold my car, sold my horse, sold everything I owned to get my college education.
Just depends on where we’re starting off. Let’s talk to you a little bit about, yeah, you went through the wringer, too, however, there was a spirituality that was guiding you, if you will, the guiding hand that was helping you through that. Let’s talk about how you tap into that even at moments of great darkness where it’s 2:30 in the morning, you’re waking up in a sweat, you have no idea how you’re going to pay the bills, but you still have this little light in your heart that you don’t know why you should even be feeling optimistic, because if you would look at your life with “reality”, your life sucks according to everybody around you, but you’re happier than you’ve ever been. Let’s talk about a little bit of that spirituality, if you don’t mind.
Chrysta: Yes, I would love to speak to that because I think that there is something about being an empath and I’ve always been highly sensitive. I have a little bit of psychic ability here and there, and there’s something about being so sensitive. It makes some of these hard situations very painful because I felt it on such a deep level, but at the same time, the pain can’t exist without the joy, right? If you are a truly open spiritual person, both are present and you welcome both into your life. There’s this level of, “Yes, I felt all of that struggle. I felt it so deeply, but I also felt the possibility and opportunities.”
One of the stories I wrote in my book is talking about this clarifying moment I had when I was about 8 years old. My alcoholic father had just been on one of his ragers and was telling me that I was a piece of shit and would never amount to anything, that kind of thing. I had this moment that I decided, 8 years old, that this was not the life that I chose for myself, and that when I got older, I was going to create something different. Where did this idea come from? This was not from outside influences. I believe that that was totally a moment of spiritual alignment and of recognizing my own power, and recognizing my own atonement to what was possible, even though there was nothing in front of me that said, “Hey, Chrysta, this is possible. You can actually create a better life for yourself.” There is no external evidence of that. I truly believed that that was a divine idea that came into my mind of like, “I can create something different for myself.” From that moment on, even though I was very young, I actually really started to explore all these different options and look at any tool or resource, any different way of living or being I was curious about. I was reading books; I read so many books as a young girl. Even at 7, 8, 9, I was reading tons of books. By the time I was a teenager, I was reading, on average, a novel a week or a nonfiction book a week, just reading, exploring different religions, like talking to all my friends in high school about their religion and going to their different services with them just to try to find, “Where do I fit in this?”
I can remember, too, I would go to this spiritual store in Lakewood, Colorado when I was a teenager, and I would just sit in that store for hours and just soaked in the energy of the store, and flipped through the books. I couldn’t really afford to buy much of anything. I think, occasionally, I bought a book here, a book there. I would just feel the energy and it was so much possibility. I really can create something different.
Janine: Let’s go back to this think positive because you hear that a lot, especially in the metaphysical community and the mystical community. When you start to finding yourself as spiritual but not religious, you’re having to step out of the box that’s been very defined, hard, structured place. Now, you find yourself in, what I like to talk loosey-goosey, it’s a very flow-oriented, “Think positive, everything’s going to work out,” you create your own reality. I’m not saying all that isn’t true. It’s true. You can create your own reality. If you’re coming from that really structured place and then all of a sudden, you have all this freedom, it’s difficult to sit there and just think positive thoughts. One of the things that you talked about in your book is like, “Okay, what we’re going to do is stop falling prey to the hardships that really defined you in your past.” You’re not one of these people that say, “Oh, just think positive, everything will come out all right.” You’re not. You’re one of these people that you’re very defined about, “Okay, yeah, you went through hardships.” How do you crack that nut open of, “Don’t allow it to define you anymore”? Can you give us one little example in your own life where you had that moment of, “I’m not going to define myself by this hardship”?
Chrysta: Yeah. There’s so many times that I faced this over and over again, and you’re right. I’m a little bit of a disruptor at times, I think, spiritually. That’s a spiritual thing, right? I’m a disruptor, I feel like I can really be a disrupter and speak truths that other people don’t see or are afraid to say out loud. I will come in and say like, “This is the truth.”From the perspective of really having a positive attitude and positive thinking, and gratitude practices and all of that, I’m 100% all about those things and I acknowledge that it’s not, in my opinion, coming from a spiritual place, to only acknowledge the good, recognize the good and to not be real about what is actually in front of you. I’ve experienced that so many times over where you’re writing that balance.
I have a gratitude practice daily that I’ve done for many years. If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you will probably notice that most days, I actually post my gratitude list on Facebook every day. It’s part of my ritual. As I started to develop this gratitude practice many years ago, it was very much in the space of, “I’m not closing my eyes to the struggles and challenges. I am merely choosing to focus on the gratitude because as someone who has experienced a lot of trauma and hardship, I can be attuned. My physical body is attuned, my spirit, mind, my emotions are attuned to looking out for the negative where things can go wrong.” That was a survival mechanism that I learned, growing up. This gratitude practice was very much about learning to attune to the positive, learning to attune to as many good things that were present as my life, as it was so easy for me to attune to the challenges and the hardships. We’re not saying these hardships don’t exist, these challenges don’t exist. Everything’s great. It’s just about attuning to those good things with the same energy in the same ability that I can so easily go to the worst-case scenario, or notice all of the ways that things might fall apart, for example.
Janine: That’s one of the things I absolutely loved about in your book. It’s this little, tiny quote. It doesn’t seem like much, but to me, it’s everything. It’s like your foundation. It’s like, “Do it messy, do it imperfectly. Do it little by little, day by day.” Go ahead and expound on that, instead of doing a little bit day by day. Go and expound a bit on doing it messy, doing it imperfectly.
Chrysta: Growing up, I was a perfectionist and I wrote about this in my book. I was like this teeny, tiny, cruel, little perfectionist, only cruel to myself. I did not hold anyone else to the standard that I helped myself to. It was one of the qualities that actually helped me overcome a lot of my past, at the same time, that many times it also deeply wounded me. This idea of like, “Do it messy, do it imperfectly,” I had to give myself permission to step out of that perfection and just move forward. This even came up for me writing my book. My first draft of my book, I kept getting stuck over and over again. That perfectionism that was so familiar to me would kind of creep in. I just made the decision one day that I was like, “This first draft is not my final book. This is my shitty first draft,” and that’s how I thought of it. I was like, “My job is to write a shitty first draft. That’s all I have to do. This doesn’t have to be good.” In fact, I want it to be shitty. It’s just about getting some of these initial ideas on paper, getting it out there, getting it down, and then I can hone, tweak, and do rewrites where I need to. Very much that experience of like, “Done is better than perfect. Just get started. Just do the next step that’s in front of you. Do the next thing and give yourself permission to do it messy,” because what happens for me is when I really give myself permission to do it messy, do it ugly, when I put that out there, that sets that intention for myself. “Okay. I’m going to try this new thing and I’m going to try it as messy as I can.” All of a sudden, the creative doors open because perfectionism and creativity don’t really go hand in hand, so it was like, “Oh, well if I’m trying to do it messy, if it’s totally okay to make mistakes, in fact, if it’s encouraged to make mistakes, now I can approach whatever this thing is that I’m trying to do with so much more openness, playfulness, and curiosity, and less of that restriction that the perfectionism of my youth really put in place for me.
Janine: A lot of empaths struggle with that because of that perfectionism, and it’s only because there are trying to avoid pain, right? You want to be as perfect as possible so nobody can find fault with you, so you can avoid pain. When you really understand that, it is incredibly helpful to help you loosen up a little bit. This is why I love the Magic School Bus and Miss Frizzle, and all her wonderful, colorful clothes, because she was all about making things messy and making mistakes, and really was helpful when my children were being raised.
Speaking of all that, let’s talk a little bit about self-care because this is big in the spiritual and mystical communities. You’re hearing this over again. Self-care this, self-care that. Honestly, there were times where I really have no idea what people are talking about because they’re talking about, “Okay, It means you’re not supposed to be surviving. You’re thriving, building personal resources to live a better life.” This is a quote right out of your book where you say, “Self-care goes beyond taking care of your health. It’s going from surviving to thriving, to building the personal resources to live a better life.”
Somebody like myself who is a real go-getter, manifester, and I am happiest when I am working because I don’t see it as just work, I see it as creating, the creative process. I have somebody else come on and says, “You know what, you really need to work on your self-care.” I think to myself, “How would you know?” I have a tendency to get very defensive, I’ll be very upfront about that. They’re like, “Well, you work yourself to death.” I’m like, “Okay, you’re misinterpreting my joy, which is my work, which I have built this life. It’s taken me 30 years, girlfriend, to get to this level.”
Help us, if you would, please, Chrysta, how to define what is somebody else’s judgment of you as an empath where they’re thinking you need self care. What is true self care? You talked about this beautifully in your book.
Chrysta: As far as other people’s opinion, it’s a lesson that I have really learned with a lot of pain, other people’s opinions of me is none of my business. It’s much more about where they’re at, in relation to their own experience and their life, than it is about me and mine. As someone who is a disruptor, people have a lot of opinions about the things that I say. I have just learned to trust my truth and to be aligned to my higher purpose and higher good. That doesn’t mean that sometimes, other people’s opinions don’t sting and I don’t feel that momentary, my ego gets hurt a little bit, but when I’m waking up every day and I’m really am in that place of alignment with my higher good and higher purpose, it matters less what other people say.
On the topic of self-care, this is such an expansive topic because there’s the more commonly thought of self care, which is bubble baths, manicures, or massages, which is really pampering. Pampering can be a layer of self-care, but guess what else can be self-care? Doing things you love, right? Whatever that is, creating can be self-care. You can take care of your physical and mental health wellness, spiritual needs, those are some basic self-care, but creating, fulfilling your purpose, those are also self-care. I’ve known people and I have been people. I can work 20 hours a week and be burned out, stressed out, and have terrible self care. I can also, when I’m really aligned with my higher purpose and higher good, I can work 50 or 60 hours a week and not be stressed out, burned out, because it’s all about the approach in the things that I’m doing. Like you said, if it brings you joy, lights you up, fills up your bucket in any way, then it probably is some version of self-care. You get to define what that is for you because everyone is different. What works for someone else isn’t going to be what works for you. It’s totally okay to define that for yourself.
I really get into detail in this in my book. I’ve got the basics of self care, and then it’s self-care beyond the basics. I encourage anyone who’s listening to really be in tune with yourself. We’re talking about mystics here. Everyone who’s listening to this has intuition. Everyone in the world has intuition, but some of us have learned to hone it and develop it more.
You are so wise. Every person listening, you are so wise. You know so much more than you probably give yourself credit for, and so tune into that wisdom for yourself. Know, “Is this serving me or is this not serving me?” Do more of what serves you because that is a form of self-care. Absolutely.
Janine: Thank you for bringing that back to where I wanted, which was right back to everyone’s own, personal power. Whether you meditate or your form of meditation is journaling, I have seen people who do walking meditations, running. Whatever your form of meditation is, make sure you’re really catering to that. I know that we’ve been through a lot, so a lot of people’s outlets for that haven’t been there. We had to adapt and figure out new ways of doing things to put us in that great space.
Just to share with you a little bit. I found out for me, that was hand-sewing. I used to do a lot of small, little dolls and stuff like that when I was younger. I had done a lot of hand sewing. I’m on machines now because I want to get it done quick and move on to my next project, because I always have that next 50 projects I want to work on. I’m going to die before I finish all my projects.
One of the things that we really was interesting to me was how I don’t want to do cross stitch, I don’t want to do any of those hand crafts, but hand-sewing little pieces together and doing little, tiny pictures with applique was what I found joy in. I started making sure I did that an hour a day. It was shocking to me because that’s not my normal operating mode. That’s something I learned about myself. Whatever your new thing is, I definitely want you to investigate that.
Also chat it up with Chrysta. She’s great. She said she’s a disrupter. If you ever feel like you’re getting a little dusty and that, “You know what, my thought patterns, I’m just cycling. It’s the same thing I’m thinking about over again,” you need a Chrysta in your life to gently say, “Hey, let’s polish this table a little bit. Let’s look at this a little clearer with that.” Chrysta, how does somebody get a hold of you, have a phone call with you, and help you dust off some of their old thought patterns?
Chrysta: Absolutely. You can check out my website, it’s chrystabairre.com, C-H-R-Y-S-T-A-B-A-I-R-R-E, so it’s spelled a little unusual. Chrystabairre.com is where you can find me, and you can connect with me there. You can find me on all my social channels, you can find out more about the book and all of that. I love having conversations with people about these topics. I love sharing these ideas because it not only benefits I know the people that I’m talking to, but it also benefits me. Every conversation with every person that I have about these things, it reminds me of my own truth. It reaffirms my own alignment to my higher purpose. It puts me in a better place, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, when I get to have conversations like that with other people.
Janine: I really recommend that if you want to learn a little bit more about Chrysta, go out and purchase a copy of her book, Beautiful Badass: How to Believe in Yourself Against the Odds, especially if you find yourself in a state of transition in your life, and you’re trying to figure out, “What is the next place for me to go? How on earth am I going to fit in to this new dynamic?” She is somebody who has had to do that multiple times in her life, and she will be able to help you out with that.
Chrysta, anything else you want to share with us before we go today?
Chrysta: Absolutely. One thing I really like to say often, as often as I possibly give the opportunity to say it, is to remind everyone listening that you are enough and you do enough. I’ll say that again, you are enough, you do enough. There’s absolutely nothing more you need to [inaudible].
Janina: Right. A lot of times, it seems it’s life’s objective to help us forget that. Thank you for being there to help us remember that. Thank you so much for being on the show with us today, Chrysta. I appreciate you.
Chrysta: Thank you.
Janine: This is Janine Bolon with the Practical Mystic Show. I want to remind you, keep your feet firmly on the ground while you’re reaching for those stars. Don’t forget to journal and meditate because that is what keeps you in your alignment. The more people we have in alignment, the less we have fighting. Thank you so much for helping us move one step closer to that world peace thing. Have a wonderful day. We’ll see you next Friday.